yeah well you didnt even puke from the alcohol. we cut you off and went to huck finn's and told you that the "irish cream" coffee creamers had baileys in it, so you shot down like eight of them and puked all over the floor. it was great. we cheered you on and everything
i wish there was a holiday celebrated with pizza eating
The more I throw up, the more I am remembering exactly what I drank last night...in order.
someone wrote "the short drunk lives here" on our door. i already have a reputation
You guys better make it up to the cabin in time for mud wrestling on Saturday. I'm not kidding. You know when I joke, and now is not one of those times.
Just got a free shot w my beer...it's not quite 11am yet...I love international travel. These people aren't judgmental.
She said I told her "I'm to drunk to take your bra off." then she said I walked out completely naked to go watch tv.
$645 later, she's throwing up in my washroom and asking for a cab. Hooker are soooo much cheaper.
This reminds me of the time I was given a lap dance by a David Bowie drag king...
The bend and snap? 98% success rate of getting attention. When used appropriately, it has an 83% rate of return on a dinner invitation.
If you've ever wondered what a shitshow is, just watch me at the bar on a Friday. Or Tuesday. Take your pick.
I just need to stop hanging out with girls who drink wine coolers.
My sunday was babysitting three big, drunk, crying Swedes. Unless your day involved four or more giant drunk swedes I don't want to hear about it.
i have achieved a new state of being which requires no food or water but is sustained only by coffee and pure, unrelenting rage
I probably shouldn't be taking relationship advice from my side piece...
Randomize
