She told me I was starting to look like a mermaid with herpes and I needed to stop it.
His parents had a bottle of captain morgan on the table for me when I went for dinner. I feel accepted
Day 5 without masturbation. Fat chicks are back on the table
I need to get my pants from under your porch. People are asking questions.
I think ppl see us as an unstoppable drunken force
You know summer is almost over when ur school booty calls start hitting u up as if solidifying their spot in drunken mistakes for next semester
We opted you as the sacrificial dick tonight. We need our patron cafe. Go make some moves.
Hey in a lighter note I also nutted in that cheerleader too if she got prego there would have been a team reunion on Maury
I am currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
I can't have my last hookup before 21 have been behind a dumpster
Fell asleep on kitchen floor again, chicken nuggets everywhere.
Like he's moved to LinkedIn creeping on me since he's blocked everywhere else & I'm just so confused does he think I'm going to post daily updates of my life on FUCKING LINKEDIN
Either my apartment is haunted or I'm far more drunk than I thought
omg girl... i cut your hair last night. tell me it looks okay!? i saw hair on the counter and i said ohhh nooo
Are we allowed to ho on the roof?
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