God I can't wait to have my phone textbombed every night
I need a slap back to reality. Or at least a slap back to homosexuality
i've counted 4 condom wrappers but only 3 condoms. not again.
is it wrong that i plan on stealing a few pipecleaners from my preschool classroom to clean my bowl?
I just beer bonged a sparks. You better get your ass over here because no one is on my level yet
I look like a poor person in the cast of Gay Oliver.
just had an encounter with drunk people from out of state at dairy queen. they wanted to stay till march to see the high school play.
Lol I just left. He's funny and he's cute. Downside: he thinks he can outdrink us
How drunk are u on a scale of one to couldn't get it up if u had a gun at ur head?
He showed up at my house, drunk, proclaiming that he needed to fuck me...my dad let him in
Dude I just saw a beer truck w taps in the side... It's like god heard my prayers and sent me a gift from heaven
Haha it's harder than you'd think to come up with ways to turn your penis into a Christmas drawing
LOOK, I was 19, and I made a lot of choices with my crotch which I'm weirdly proud of
Yes dear.
learned the hard way that breakfast jack daniels is a lot stronger than lunch or dinner jack daniels.
Bottom line; if I'm coming out of my bat cave to do the dishes and get a chicken wing and I have no pants or makeup on and my messy bun looks more like Santa got leprosy and crashed his sled into the back of my head then let me be. That's all I'm saying.
Randomize
