Im forcing mysellf to pee so i can fit more margaritas in me...
He yelled IN THE FACE!! while cumming on my face.
Within 5 minutes of max walking in his pants were off and he was wearing my snow goggles as underwear.
My ex best friend's ex fuck buddy is visiting. There was no other option but day drinking.
Do you remember calling me and dedicating a shot to me?
what is the protocol for being hungover enough to vomit in a potted plant during my botany lecture?
I'm watching people hook up tonight who, when they wake up tomorrow, are going to wish they were blind.
Be careful. Don't drive if your body turns into a caterpillar again.
i ended up playing naked naked monopoly and hangman with my dealer. i really love my life.
I'm wearing green eyeshadow so even if I end up totally naked I still won't get pinched.
I swear, the cow we tried to tip tried to eat me. and all I could think was, oh how the tables have turned. worst trip ever
You stopped loving me for a minute.
You sent me "Is nap," I don't think that really counts as a conversation starter.
I punched the bar tender after he cut me off. Hopped over the bar and made my own drink. That's how I got tazed
Our house drank 90 beers yesterday afternoon before 8pm so add that to the list
She just kept screaming and saying "fucking you is like fucking a mountain"
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