that's an acceptable place to lick
I had a terrible day! The only thing that makes me feel better is knowing Jack Bauers day was worse.
... thanks for letting me perform minor surgery on myself last night.
I figured if you were smart enough to sterilize with vodka, you could handle it.
Thanks for having 911 ready when I jumped off the balcony
Honestly, It follows the same rules as Cock Roulette.
I believe some people would call last night an orgy.
If kinky sex was an Olympic sport they would be playing the anthem for me as we speak.
I was too drunk to remember throwing up so i probably didn't learn my lesson
It may not have seemed like it to you, but I was very sad that I was cheating on my GF with you. I was crying on the INSIDE.
Keep in mind this was 2012... YOLO was a very new concept.
I had to say goodbye to one of my fuck buddies last night. He's voting for Trump, we shouldn't be doing it anyways.
Girl... I just woke up with a bloody mary in a to go cup on my nightstand and two hours late for work.. I'm sorry i can't go out on weekdays anymore. Luckily my boss was just happy i was ok
Well 1) stay calm 2) stay safe 3) drink more
Well Jon got a DUI sleeping in the back seat so I thought the trunk was safer. BUT WHO CARES WHY JUSE PLEASE COME LET ME OUT!
She woke up, mumbled "the trees" When i asked her what about them, she yelled "WE NEED THEM FOR OXYGEN," Then went back to sleep.
We need to get on her level.
Randomize
