You stuck the head of a rubber chicken you found in her house up your ass and then started running around her living room. Naked.
three words: i give head
three words: not that well
We're like two naked peas in a sex pod.
It's kind of sad that your greatest accomplishment today is that you stood up and didn't fall down.
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she pulled the sheets over her head to blow me but the static kept making little lightning bolts and I was too high and got really scared she was going to electrocute me.
You got cut off after you tried to make the dog funnel moscato.
I have no idea what's going on.... I just want to wear my horse sweatshirt and drink vodka.
He just stared me dead in the eye as he continued to beat off. Then said "you were going to catch me sooner or later".
I'm instituting a new rule. If you wake me up at 3am about wrinkled blankets, I get to throat punch you
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PS: when I ask you if I look fat in a a dress DO NOT TAKE YOUR SWEET ASS GAY TIME to formulate an answer only to tell me in front of our family that perhaps I should buy Spanx. Do you WANT me to tell mom and dad you suck cock? Then be a good brother and have the common decency to LIEEEEEE!!!!
Get the fuck back here. Your brother taped bottle rockets to the front of his scooter and is bombing around screaming, "Rest in peace, Goose!"
I smell like lime and condoms and I really want a waffle. Fuk
I don't care how hot he is. I will not strip for him to country music.
I thought the first time I got peed on it would be by a baby...
How's the party?
I'm watching two people get flogged. Sothere's that.
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