what part of covering your puke with shaving cream seemed like a good idea?
I'm at a party with that guy you made out with on new years. He remembers your name!
he was so high that he wouldn't speak to anybody for like 30 minutes, he'd only gobble, like a turkey.
i gave him a hand job with one hand and held the 40 with the other. this is like freshman year all over again.
Are you seriously trying to guilt me into sending you naked pictures by saying "So I can look at them during dialysis" ?
Is it working?
Dude she threw his clothes out n 8th floor window and her dog tried to bite his dick off. So the answer is yes it could be worse...
this is your 3rd pregnancy scare in 2 years, I think its time for you to re-evaluate the whole 'im a lesbian' thing
I have the coolest burn here. Everyone is taking my picture. I'm like a celebrity of the burn victims.
At some point last night Lemondrops turned into me doing shots of vodka and eating sugar packets at the bar.
So I saw the nuva ring just lying on the counter at Planned Parenthood...did u know it's just a ring? I could go to the Dollar tree buy a plastic bracelet and shove it up there instead.
You do that. Then go have lots of unprotected with your harem of booty calls and see how that works out for you.
Things were easy when he was just a penis. Now he's a penis with feelings.
Post-sex nachos deserve a song.
He will forever be known as the toe sucker who may or may not have been a father
Let's take a shot for every time we've said "I don't want to get that drunk tonight"
For real his Facebook page says he studied "sexual arts" at some random college I've never heard of. You've been warned.
Randomize
