I just found out the FDA voted to ban Vicodin, my last connection to this world has been destroyed
i have it on good authority that she is not as good at giving head as she claims she is
and then you made a playlist that was just "party in the usa" on repeat...
Eventually the creepy theater major quirks will come out. Probably in bed. Like role playing as the Phantom of the Opera
just walked past the recycling bin in class, there's keystone cans in it. go cougs.
driving home I had the GPS in one hand and puking in the coffee cup
So no more sangria road trips?
I was worried he'd break you after the hiatus your lady parts had to take from social interaction.
I am not being the messenger for your booty call.
I spoon fed you cheerios when you were black out drunk. You owe me one.
Yea. I feel great. My life is great. My job isn't as shitty. And my daddy loves me. I love strip clubs. Great self esteem boost.
Maybe it's because I walked straight up to that shelf of vodka with a look of determination that said "I mean business".
I usually have to have a cart! If that doesn't say "I mean business" then I don't know what does
I asked her if she could eat some Doritos so when we made out it would taste awesome
Current state of being: shivering like a new born kitten on the bathroom floor
Found a pic on my phone from last night. You're drunk. Arm wrestling some guy. In the bar bathroom. At a baby changing station. It's my new wallpaper.
On a scale of 1 to shit show you were "i just pissed myself"
I'm sorry but it's something you and your A cups wouldn't understand.
Randomize
