Do you realize that Last night you pissed in my closet and then walked to the bathroom to wash your hands?
Flying into Chicago for a few days, getting re-deployed in September, we should probably fuck
Kristina got the same text from you just now, she's sitting next to me, how many people did you send this to?
At least you're going to bed with all the teeth you woke up with
Climbing onto the roof in a dress and high heeled boots was probably not the best idea, especially after all that Bacardi.
Ya know, in a round about way coinstar is just a glorified vending machine for all my bad choices.
Well we didn't hook up. Maybe from his girlfriend's point of view, but not mine.
he thinks the dog can do a keg stand. i will let you know how it turns out
Yehhhaaww I'm way ahead of you. I'm gunna get her a card that says " I'm sorry your now ex boyfriend decided to upgrade"
He sent me a picture of his dick earlier so now we can all laugh at him tomorrow
I just went through the Wendy's drive thru only wearing a towel. My life has hit an all time low
Also, if asking a guy to come over and watch curling with you doesn't scream let's fuck then idk what does
Just puked in a cup. Poured it out the window.
We all just got ice cream, condoms, and toilet paper now were gonna go home and watch movies as a family.
Condoms?
Today is a good day to get high. It's easy to blame the glazed-over look in my eye on my new contacts
I think/hope James is drunk. He's standing in the front lawn loudly declaring "I AM a popsicle!" Over and over....
Randomize
