I envy your ability to put any word in front o the word beer and make drinking before 5 sound like a socially sanctioned event.
Grandma just handed out bail money... it's officially christmas
I heard you were walking home with taylor with your dress completely up and your ass exposed
Yeah, that sounds like my life.
being pregnant is like rehab
I got 87 likes on my changed relationship status. It's official. I'm way more fucking awesome single.
They're mostly guys
Early bird gets the worm.
If we go out with the 22/23 year olds we should make t a double date. I don't want to endure the judging looks of the public as I rob the cradle alone.
We're just Facebook friends. Use guy logic. I tapped your wife in high school, 20 years and 60 lbs ago, when she was hot and experimental. Why would I mess with that now? It would ruin the vivid memories of her that I keep in my spank bank.
I will find you...
So you drank bourbon with cough syrup?
I still had a cough. It only makes sense
Sorry it's taking so long, it's harder to take an ass pic with an iPad than you think
Successfully defrauded the county government. What have you done today?
Painting strippers breast and vaginas to look like easter eggs. What r u doing tonight.
There's a 50-50 shot that I will wake up with an ass tattoo tomorrow.
then you dropped a clam in a draught beer like it was a drop shot and and started chugging as beer spewed all over your body.
it's like he didn't even know what a vagina was
He had a tattoo of the Batman logo around his asshole. I noped right the hell out of there.
Randomize
