it took me 2 minutes to realize that it wasn't HER hand on my penis. First, and worst threesome ever..
I walked into his room and he was naked with a half eaten pecan pie and a bottle of wine.
you just stood there spinning and got mad if anyone tried to stop you
That big chick who gave you the handly polished off one of the walls to the ginger bread house right before she came outside. FYI
Yea... you were given too many get out of jail free cards. God just gave up on you having a healthy and happy vagina.
I also found a beer label in my bra and I'm pretty sure you put it there and said "this means I trust you"
He puked in the middle of it and I still wasn't disappointed.
Drunk me started making nachos apparently but never got to the part with the cheese. There are chips everywhere
Are you playing pokemon in the dark and sexting? I can't be mad at that.
I feel like a weird modern Betty Crocker. I'm icing a cake and looking at gay porn, if that's not an accurate portrayal of the 21st century idk what is.
Fortunatly we found him, he was on my roof. Unfortunatly, we can't say the same for his pants. Still looking. BRB.
And the last thing I remember was you in the bed with the german guy screaming "wrong hole" I laughed n passed out
Apparently I called down to the hotel front desk and begged them to bring us pizza. They brought us tea.
its 11:20. i'm drunk in class flying paper airplanes for my final. what the fuck is my college experience right now?
Where are all your bongs? Your Dad wants to make sure they're put away before his family gets here.
Umm....in my room, on my closet, under the bed and behind my laptop.
Randomize
