Why can't I find a man that likes bush instead of a vagina that looks like it belongs to a prepubescent child!
Because men are children
Touche
I totally got off with my controler for my ps3. Soooo glad I ended up with that racing game for Christmas.
You called him your tasty little crouton. Which actually wasn't the weirdest part.
Hey, hey, hey, hey. This is a hurriCAN.
No I can't cure herpes. I'm an EMT, not Jesus.
I chugged a beer while I was riding him and he told me it was the sexiest thing he has ever seen. this guy knows class when he sees it.
I even tried crushing up viagra and putting it in his beer... And the next day he found the package on the counter. I told him it was for my friends husband.
We tried to hook you up with a girl but you said you'd rather fuck the large muscular black man because "At least he'd be tight". He was the bouncer, he heard you.
I finally got out of bed at 8:30pm and my little brother informed me that I had cereal stuck to my back. I'm going to smoke a cigarette and go back to sleep.
I may be going to Mexico. I just met a drug dealer at a strip club. Seems legit.
If you magically turned into a tall white gay guy, ignore this message. If not, then I'm sure someone has your fb password.
The fake number she gave me was for Pappa John's. Now I have a large pepperoni on the way.
One of these days I would like to go out drinking and stick to plan of just getting drunk and not be sidetracked with other people's plans of doing drugs along the way. I didn't even want to not feel my teeth tonight but here we go just another Thursday night when you live I live
i need to get drunk because i'm an angry sober
The frequency with which I change my vibrator batteries is getting a little ridiculous....
Randomize
