dinner at cheesecake factory: $40. drinks at yard house: $50. having sex in the VG parking lot while people are staring at you awkwardly: priceless. Goodnight.
I just want to sing "highway to the danger zone" when I'm taking his pants off.
her eyes looked like someone had poured fruit punch in them. needless to say we had a good time.
Yeah sketchy neighborhood.. Some woman ran by screaming, "i didn't steal anything" as some cops rolled up and arrested her.
I got kicked out of an open bar wedding reception. The bride "felt threatened" by my presence. Not my fault she's ugly
Then she cat effected the picture of my dick I sent her the other night. I'm in love.
Out of all the people in the house to show their tits at mcdonalds to try and get free food, they picked those two?
Just had a heart to heart with my John Belushi poster.
Just got discharged from the hospital after getting my finger stitched back together don't you dare say you had a worse night than me
I told a 250 pound football player I would catch him if he jumped into my arms. And that is how I broke my wrist
we need to find a way to be drinking champagne 24/7
I woke up on a park bench with a nice homeless guy waking me up. I bought us Carl's Jr. Best birthday ever!
Uhm I have a bottle of tequila, a gallon of orange juice, and leggings. Now ask me again how hard im going? And that doesn't cover tomorrow.
I can't decide if I miss drinking or you, they are so closely connected.
Welcome aboard the S.S. struggle. I'll be your captain for today's voyage and Jeremy is your first mate. Just sit back and relax while we navigate the seas of drunken regret. Your forecast for the day is violently hungover with a chance of "shit, that really did happen!"
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