Why does Corona taste like a burp?
I guess you don't remember pouring tequila in the dog bowl and slurping it.
someone wrote on his wall: "congrats on your engagement"
I think you may want to look into that...
And then out of the blue she sent me a youtube video mashup of cats puking to techno music
Dude, she found the red hair dye from 4th of July. then she proceeded to give you a red mohawk for a more patriotic thanksgiving eve. How do you not remember that?
You screamed "she never feeds them anyway" and threw the fish tank off the 3rd floor balcony. Don't park on our side of the building.
No one parties like Jon. He once stole a cops hat, ran like the wind, partied all night with it, and dropped it off at the station the next day with a box of donuts as an appology.
HI MARY. THERE IS A RAINBOW AT OUR APARTMENT
Remember how he wouldn't sleep with me "out of respect"? Well, Mr. Respect just fingered me in a parking garage.
Are we on the same shift tomorrow and more importantly do you want your pants back?
I stood in my living room with two beers in my hand asking these said beers if they were going to drink each other. I then insisted that I would drink them and chugged both. Happy Halloween.
Current status: Finding an unwrapped portion of Subway sandwich in my purse at the pharmacy counter & picking pieces of tomato off my wallet while the pharmacist watches disdainfully.
Did you offer her some?
If only. Current status: Not that clever.
It's getting harder and harder to fake orgasms as I get older.
He told me he loved me and then peed his own bed. So at least it was a memorable one night stand.
Get here now. I need a drinking buddy. I don't care if you're in a different timezone, it'll be five o clock here faster.
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