I'm like a warm blanket that has sex with you
Some guy said that sham wows were the same as regular shammys. needless to say you had to be restrained. you kept trying to 'slap chop' him.
i just heard her through the wall saying "not on my face! NOT on my face!" then a scream and "I SAID NOT ON MY FACE!!!"...nice work dude.
Soooo, if his status went from married to single and he deleted all the pictures of his kids does that mean he's up for dibbs?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
See this is why people shouldn't jump into marriage. See what type of drunk you're engaged to first.
winnie the pooh came out of nowhere and offered me a burrito...it was a fucking amazing burrito.
So hungover. Walked into room and poached their catering before realized in wrong place. Scowled and ate it anyway
This guy on Hoarders just said "we're all about 4 or 5 decisions away from shitting in a bucket". True dat
I tried to prevent a bar fight. By convincing a guy whacked out on Molly to slap the ass of everyone who was arguing and shout "WOO" each time. I'm proud, surprised, and intrigued that it calmed everyone down so quickly...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Deciding whether to take my sex toys home for Christmas will be the biggest decision I make this holiday season
I feel like asking for a towel for after I puke before I puke to be more respectful than jus going outside to puke and coming back inside covered in sweat and tears.
Two of my roommates are waxing their vaginas in the living room. Can I come smoke?
We had sex then laid in his bed eating chocolate and drinking juice boxes. I think I'm going to keep him around.
It was a crazy night: tears were shed, blood was spewed, and bottles were emptied.
I do very much feel like vomiting. and I have no idea where that lighter came from. thank you for coming to my TED Talk.
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