just saw someone puke all over a michigan fan. he didn't even flinch.
I love Welcome Back Week...No I wont accept your god but i will accept that hot dog
He bought me a flower. He's totally getting head every day for a week.
you're the best thing to happen to me. closely followed by learning to ejaculate, and drugs.
took 4 advil with a shot of vodka, figure i'd try to save myself now
I just had my first boner in 64 days today....glad to find out my fluids are still pumpin
Technically my penis started a fight tonight
So I feel like I should feel objectified by your comment about my boobs but instead I just feel proud. 21ST CENTURY FEMINISM, BABY
My bra is still on the porch...I'm leaving it as a reminder to get my shit together.
You know you're in the hamptons when it's 10pm And you kind of want to vomit white wine on rug that costs more than your apartment.
Preface: Im drunk. But i think id make a good assasin. That is all.
I'm like a hairless cat ready to be ravished
His mom showed up at my doorstep, begging me to take him back for him
Where do you find these people?
They made the paper for stealing gnomes. I fucked a local celebrity.
Drunk me made cabbage burritos at 1am after going to hustler hollywood.\nI bought socks. Lol
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