im typing and i feel like my hands are on backwards.
Stop texting me, I'm right here.
3 complete strangers have joyously high-fived me on campus today. Tell me why, starting after jager bomb #4.
Bitches at mcdonalds acting like they never seen a girl puke in her own coat pocket before
We're attempting to get a tally of how may people puked last night...Please respond with your vomit status.
i just shaved my vag. i figure it gave me about ten more minutes to drink tomorrow.
This theraflu would make for a great margarita.
I can make a sudafedarita
Nothing like pulling a bottle of vodka out of your purse at 7am in the security line to make your fellow passengers uncomfortable...
I just power smoked 3 bongs, ate hot cocoa mix before making hot cocoa, and realized James Spader's character on The Office reminds me of your mom.
Ughhh I can't remember the last time "time fell back or springed forward" and I wasn't at the bar to argue about it :(
I do remember telling her that I was about to pass out soon and then hiding my pants under my bed so she couldn't take my wallet even drunk I'm thinking ahead
I don't know, I kept pretending that I was riding an elephant during. It was actually really fun, but you can't tell him that!
Visiting Houston was a good decision for my penis.
woke up to find i out made out with his roommate before hooking up with him. breakfast was awkward to say the least
Come get me...at gazebo by side entrance....im passed out in a bush...this is a Bar A bouncer texting for your buddy
He made me ask permission to to cum and it made me cum.
Randomize
