This is your Morning Wood Report: I have it.
don't go home with that guy from jersey
i know, not worth the blood test
I'm at a work party and I don't know how to drink socially. You know, like slow?
cruising supermarkets, asking random people where i can get weed. fuck alaska
Just walked by a yard full of girls wearing bikinis. I did my best to stare.
Working out to an exercise video on OnDemand. Also, drinking beer and eating cream cheese with a side of bagel in between stretches.
No amount of marijuana is enough to justify blood on my ceiling
And at least you didn't have a dinner of Ranch Pringles and Double Stuff Oreos. I forgot that part of being single.
My booty call just put me down for a reference for her job at the hospital. What am I supposed to say? She gives great bj's?
Leave the bottle at home cause either way I'm not taking another shot. You have no idea how long it took me to compose this text free of grammatical error.
Gold star for you, but I'm on my way and the soco is buckled in next to me. This is happening.
I'm not a home wrecker but if one more married man with a yacht asks me to go scuba diving I'm NOT saying no
Dude too much vodka. I think I just puked up my heart
That's what you get for taking that guy home. The god of sluttiness is frowning upon you.
Dude, you can't drink while watching Star Trek. You hardly understand it sober.
It's an alien shaped cup though. i think that'll help me absorb.
you asked how they got the microwave in the air. we had to explain three times that it was mounted there until you finally feel asleep
I can't decide which is the most disgusting: emily having sex on the stairwell of a frat, michelle shaving her vagina with a razor she found in a frat bathroom, or me getting fingered on the dance floor by some rando. opinions?
Randomize
