It's hipsters with their motorcycle cop mustaches, moccasins, douchey irony, and department stores to supply their independent conformity
Something's gotta give!
singing on the bus should be illegal
huh?
There's a group of like 8 white people in the back of the bus harmonizing to sugar we're going down
There is a half eaten corn dog and soy sauce on the counter... WTF did you eat last night??
My bracket is officially just a list of teams that lost.
I assume you will show your seat mates your vibrating cock ring.
I have to think about this realistically and not with my vagina.
Dude when we asked him where he lived all he could tell us was "by the slurpees." That fucked up.
God I hope the gutter I die in is nice. You know, for a gutter.
THIS IS WHY I WENT TO SCHOOL FOR TO BE A COSMETOLOGIST TO HELP MY EX BOYFRIENDS CURRENT GIRLFRIEND BE MILDLY ATTRACTIVE... Everything DOES happen for a reason
apparently while i was high i thought that putting a dinosaur temporary tattoo on my inner thigh would keep me from taking my pants off and having sex with him...
...it didn't...
We had sex on the tiger blanket while I was wearing my Ukrainian shirt and my ass touched the Ukrainian flag. Happy 25th Ukraine!
my birth father cheated on his wife with my birth mother. it's literally in my blood to be a home wrecker.
I just got baptized.
Drunkenly skinny dipping in a indoor hotel pool is not okay and does not count as a baptism.
don’t ask me. i snorted coke off of a pregnancy test box last night. i obviously don’t make the best life choices.
You got up in the middle of a sentence, puked, came out and poured another glass of wine and continued your story.
Randomize
