do you think they ever dumped Gatorade over Michael Vick's head after his dog won?
I managed to throw up 90 feet under water, just removed my breathing tube, puked, put it back in. All inclusive is the way to go.
Awesome, the library of congress archived all tweets. Now my great great grandchildren can pinpoint the date they inherited alcoholism.
The lesbians are drunkenly meowing in the hallway again. This is the shit I'll miss at home.
We FINALLY fucked. I swear that's the longest I've ever held out for
Umm you met him three days ago....
I said what I said
I passed out leaning next to a light pole. When the cop woke me up at 4 AM, I told him I was a block away from the apt, just had to stop to make a puke pit stop.
I decided to buy a keg of Miller Lite instead of paying the electric bill. Just thought I'd give you a heads up...
I've been thinking about it and if we ever have a threesome it'll start off with us clothed solely in our matching fur vests
Oh, I'm just lighting tennis balls and WD-40 on fire, what are YOUUU doing?!
Our idea of a "deep conversation" was successfully forming complete sentences.
Dude you were sitting on a bench on the street with her for 45 minutes thinking you were on the bus
Her Grandmother felt me up AND paid for dinner. If she doesn't get her shit together I'm gonna be her Step Grandfather.
Remember that time i gave you head on MY birthday and you made me stop so you could watch the rhino part in 300
I yelled at him as he left "you broke up with me. You lost your blow job privileges"
I made a bucket list last night. Number 5: Will marry a wizard.
Randomize
