'hiiiigh' is saved in my t9 for a reason
obama could have borrowed sotomayor's dick when he threw out that that first pitch like a girl last night
he held my hand while i was giving him head. freud's gotta be turning over in his grave
just stole 2 cases of forties from some freshman in the woods by pretending to be a cop. that ten dollar spotlight is really turning a profit
Well if were past the bullshitting stage yes if not then no I'm not that kind of guy
Drunk me cleaned my room for me. Needless to say our relationship has improved greatly
I gave them the 'I used to fuck your son' discount.
The tequila covers up the fact that the choco liquor tastes like sadness.
My roommate just caught me cleaning a tostitos queso jar with my hand and eating it. He didn't judge. Bonding moment.
Gave up on finding an ashtray.... just started flicking it in my purse.
My desire to pee is a lot higher than my need to be buzzed right now.
Omg my orgasm just made the fucking sun come out. Clearly my libido controls the weather now.
I'm in the liquor store and fucking "Wannabe" by the Spice Girls is playing. IM ALREADY ASHAMED OF MY REASON FOR BEING HERE, GIVE ME A BREAK.
I aimed for bossy but it came out slutty
We had a pink drink in honor of my underwear and apparently I made out with our bartender... a few times
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