the next morning i told him i was impressed that he remembered my name. he said it wasn't that hard when "tracy
They're making scrambled eggs at 2 in the morning... with rum
When I stretch out her lips her vagina looks like a dolphin...this birthmark is awesome
Its like fucking yourself in the head with a weed strapon
He was the drug dealer that jumped out of his car to get my number
Yea my vagina was pretty pissed at me for not taking advantage of the situation...
can you blow me for old times sake
only for old times sake
I woke up with glitter in my wounds.
I think I found out what we're going be for Halloween....Alcohol poisoning victims.
I CAN'T DO THIS MUCH FABULOUS BEFORE LUNCHTIME
I'm looking forward to the release of my future best seller - "Three Words to Make Your Relationship 100% Better: Surprise Blow Jobs"
Who had my phone last night? Whoever it was sent "Fuck you, you're adopted" to half the people on my contact list.
She really is something else.
Words cannot describe what though. The best way to describe her is to say it like watching a bear and a whale have sex. You don't know why it's happening or how. But it's rather funny and you can't look away.
BABE I MISS YOU SO MUCH LIKE THE SADNESS OVERWHELMS BONER ABILITY
It's not my fault, Tequila turned all my alarms off.
Randomize
