I'm watching a Sinbad stand up special. Not even drugs can make this funny.
He called me a "functional alcoholic" like its a bad thing.
You asked my mom "who the fuck drives four hours to sleep in a guys bed and not touch his penis"
you were on ground yelling about how close the floor was to your face.
I don't know what the fuck is in the water in New Hampshire, but these dicks are HUGE.
Typical Sunday afternoon purchase of condoms and a helium tank.
No one would take shots with Caroline so she asked the bartender for like 20 jagerbombs and then shouted "JAGERBOMBS FOR HOMELESS ANIMALS BENEFIT" and everyone started doing them with her
Tell Chris I said sorry for yelling "It's my vagina, let me do what I want with it!" at the party last night.
if drunk means calling me and asking to borrow the game of life at 2am then I think you were drunk
I'm just gonna stay I'm bed where it is warm and cozy and nobody knows me as the girl that puked on a stripper
One does not fall in love, one falls flat on the their face after leaving a bar
I was going to do a cardio thing but then tacos.
It's just unfortunate that I still have the image of him having sex with me fresh in my mind
do you think that identical twins have the same size junk? i just want to know your opinion before i find out.
I dont think the chain smoking, tequila shots or cocaine was good for my bronchitis.
Randomize
