I slept walked to the toilet and woke up pooping. Easily one of the most disorienting events of my life.
I have a deodorant stick dedicated to my balls.
Drunk. Just jacked off for the third time in an hour. I love not being Catholic anymore.
My cousin had a baby so we have to look at it. Apparently the event is byob
Come find me, I'm the girl sitting alone in taco bell at 9 in the morning drinking concealed beer with a straw
Also they do not have any come back to america, i miss my fuck buddy cards at Hallmark.
I have vodka and a slip n slide so of you could come over that would be great
No. You don't want this. When I threw up last night, it was so intense I went blind for about 3 seconds.
I just lit a blunt like right in front of an old man and I was like sir please shieldeth your eyes
I just gave him road head. He came in the Taco Bell drive thru which seems pretty typical for my life.
I got really adventurous too. Like. Balls in the mouth adventurous.
Double dirt bag award winner tonight. He picked me up in his wife's car.
So I was dancing on a table with these three girls and my bro. Started to makeout with one and as the song ended I asked what her name was. She said, and I quote, "Nate we hooked up two weeks ago". To which my reply was to lift my beer to bro and proclaim, "RAGE".
I usually do that but weve been going unprotected with tribal fertility symbols painted above my door
Thanks for loaning me your shower and panties. My hubby is awesome, but I shouldn’t go home commando, smelling like lube and sperm again
Randomize
