I'm so glad you managed to take a picture of your foreskin before you broke my camera.
Just getting around to doing laundry. Jesus there's a lot of blood on my birthday dress.
Do you relize what downtown will be like this week? Like open season. But instead of deer its hot baseball players from all over the country that we'll never have to see again. I swear the college world series is a gift from god.
She looked at me and said "i like penises." and then passed out with her condom balloon animal in her hands.
I have her designated blowjob hair tie on my wrist. It's like a key to eternal happiness
I'm not liking this ratio of moving to blowjobs...
Hey that girl we tagged team last night invited me to her birthday on Facebook, remind me to be sick that day.
WE COULD TOTALLY DO ECSTASY AND GO TO THAT CAT SHELTER OFF OF BROADWAY.
Ripped as fuck driving to get a portrait of my cat tattooed on my arm
i'm going as a slutty football player, and all night i'll drunkily whisper "id love to catch your balls." into random strangers ears.
I like to feed my guinea pigs before I get stoned. In case they get contact high and get the munchies. It's only polite.
Wow my largely unnecessary pool of lizard-related knowledge finally came in handy. Are you proud?
I don't know what to say
He just kept pissing on the couch as we were yelling at him while he repeatedly told us "its going to be okay".
Tonight’s your last chance for a danger free blowjob.
Pooping to opera.
Randomize
