I keep trying to leave, but for some reason I'm staying
Here's my recipe for happiness. Go get a pen. 1. smoke a bowl 2. put on explosions in the sky 3. take a bath. Do this for about 1 hour or until all your problems go away.
She was so bad on top that i found myself watching a TV that wasn't even turned on
I'm too hungover to be in a fucking cow suit right now
Playing hide and seek with all those cheeseburgers... Not our finest moment.
Idk if you've ever had the pleasure of 1. Vomiting on a sidewalk - at 3 in the afternoon 2. Vomiting nachos or 3. Vomiting nachos out of your nose but really I do not advise any of the above.
You told my mom you were going to "Raw Dawg some randoms." That Drunk.
The cops busted down the door and everyone ran. I was just trying to find my shirt before I got arrested
I love THIS fish, the rest of the ocean can go fuck itself. I am ahab and he is my whale
This chic sharing the cab with me just started givin me head. I'll be an extra 5 minutes.
We decided to make playlists for each other. Do you know any songs that say "sorry I'm not as hot as your prostitute ex?"
Yeah I had this grand plan to bring flaming dr pepper shots to some girls and say "these shots are hot, but not as hot as you" but instead I lit the bar on fire
I will sleep with anyone I have to to make sure you don't get deported
He awkwardly handed me plan b on Pickens Street... it was like a sketchy drug deal.
i really didnt think i was that drunk last night but the txts from unknwn #s that say i like your lace panties are def telling me otherwise
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