She was like a white Oprah, but with less conviction.
Is it a bad sign when i blow my nose && can smell vodka?
my dad came in to wish me a happy birthday and found me passed out in my underwear with the lights on and a plate of meat on the bed. i bet he was proud to have contributed to my creation in that moment.
I just foul balled at work. I had taken off my coat too… had to go to the sink wash my hands then go back to the stall and pick up my coat. I hope the guy shitting in the stall next to me didn’t figure out what happened.
I love girls that fake tan. Can you say p p p p p p p p pumpkin face
we didnt even have break up sex...
you had it for us with someone else...
A kind stripper put a blanket over me last night
Haha that's why you never name the penis. Its like a pet, once named you will most likely get attached.
You made out with a guy who refers to his cock as "rafiki." Are you proud of yourself?
All you kept saying was, " Barack fucking Obama. FUCK Michelle" and then you motorboated me.
I refused to call him anything but Drake eyebrows all night.
Well, we 69'd in the Jacuzzi. If that tells you the kind of night I had. Neither of us knew we could hold our breath that long. Deff. Most. Dangerous. Sex. Ever.
A relationship is waiting for him to fall asleep so you can cum (finally!) while watching porn
I need something that says "I'm gay sometimes but I feel scorned by my straight, non-committal lover, so I'm here to get drunk and make out, and possibly end up in a bathroom with someone who's name I won't remember tomorrow"
I'm not going out, it's sweat pants and gallon vodka night at my place and I'm the only one on the guest list.
This is because you lost at fooseball isn't it?
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