I cant talk right now they are about to fuck again
We discussed our relationship status. We're dating exclusively. And the conversation was followed by him saying "C'mon baby, let's make you orgasm!" .....I'm gonna marry him.
what the fuck a piece of candy corn just came out of her nose
I was in the library and saw 2 dudes hackysacking in a study room with 3 girls working. I asked if I could join; as soon as I closed the door the chicks offered me tequila shots. study session w/everyone cancelled, I'm busy.
I think this agreement was sent by God. I get to do my own thing, get laid, and he still makes me breakfast in the morning.
You know it's been a successful day when the only reason you put on a bra was to take off your shirt
Well I was going to go home but vodka happened.
My boob is missing a layer of skin
Tbh I fell asleep cuddling a bag of Brazilian nuts. Franzia never dissappoints me
You bring me burritos. Of course I text you during sex
According to my snapchat story, I tore a fake wig off a security guard and ran away with it.
I buy a new bowl every time I get a new guy. It's retail therapy.
I started my period on international women's day. It's like the world is congratulating me and punishing me for being a woman at the same time
I don't work there anymore. If they had Prince themed dildo parties i never would have quit
She really wants to hug you. With her vagina.
Randomize
