HOW IN THE HELL DID YOU BLOW A .24?????
We were watching I'm a celebrity get me out of here and taking shots every time heidi said HALLELUJAH, and started spraying her hair with that stupid dry shampoo shit....and we only watched the last half hour.
I knew you were gonna be a good wingman when the words "dibs on the chunky one" came out of your mouth.
Living right is spending a lot of time in someone's ass
porn bloobers exist! never have i laughed so hard while jerking off!
no you cant smoke seaweed
You were hopping up and down because you wanted only his strongest sperms to make it to the egg.
Darwin at his finest.
I woke up alone at my apt. On the floor with the door wide open, but still. Success.
I seriously might throw up right now. In class. Sunglasses on. I'm getting too old for this.
She just looked down there and said "i breed horses. this is better than anything ive ever seen."
Semen is not good for contacts.
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawnmower thinking of you
Something tells me your "Titties for Tracy Morgan" fundraiser won't pan out.
Only in the emergency room do they shut the door when youre laughing too hard
I attempted to walk home at 5:30 this morning cuz i was mad at him cuz he didn't want to cuddle and didn't have pizza. I got 3 houses down n fell over.
Woke up next to my vibrator and a recipe for fudge brownies. If that doesn't scream I NEED TO GET LAID, then I don't know what else could.
Randomize
