it was all good till he told me to dance slow and quiet
Mango Malibu should win a nobel peace prize
Ok so the guy below me is either having sex very loudly or is very lonely
I found out what happened to my eye. I punched myself in the face.
I have a gash on my leg an a lobster leg in my purse.
you want a dog just so you can strap a barrel of hot chocolate around its neck?
Between the walk of shame, bar fight, karaoke, injuries, number of bar check-ins, and variety/quantity of alcohols and Advil consumed, I'd say HookerFest 2012 was a raging success.
if memory serves, the guy you were hooking up with said he was a slutty skittle.
My plan to masturbate 34 times on my 34th birthday backfired. Do you still have those crutches?
I knew no one else would have gone along with it since it's morally wrong and probably illegal. You said, "Yes. And let's add fireworks."
He made me twerk for scrambled eggs... I regret nothing
I saw him and didn't have sex with him. Responsibility five!
I put a zucchini in my pussy for you
ps why does my dog smell like popcorn and a dryer sheet..?
I was running because his wife invited me to join them on their kinky Vegas weekend. Crossing state lines is too much commitment for me.
Randomize
