Some guy with no shirt on and his pants undone informed us he was kicked out of the cab
I asked him why, and he had absolutely no idea.
We even fucked WHILE he was making me breakfast in bed.
Reason #82 that I need to get laid: my pubes are getting split ends.
My mom and I are having a "yay I don't have herpes" shopping trip day
getting a black eye the first day of spring break really sets the tone for the rest of the week.
Currently separating the burrito I just stuffed in my purse from the weed in my half smoken bowl that was already in it. My what the fuck moment beats yours.
This theraflu would make for a great margarita.
I can make a sudafedarita
Watching crazy stupid love and drinking alone isn't what I thought it was gonna be
Its TONS better. Expect a drunk dial at 11:54
Looking at an apartment in Houston. It's right beside my favorite bar and the zoo. Best or worst decision?
That's just a really flattering way of saying, "Yes, you're useless, but you have great tits."
Summary of my night: made out with a complete stranger at a club dressed in the Geico gecko costume...
Someone signed my nipple.
Is it sad that I just pissed sitting down so I didn't have to stop eating doritos?
My ex's sister asked me to be her date to Thanksgiving. Should I go?
Threesome!
Jack said he hasn't jerked off in like two weeks and he's like a smoldering volcano who wants to bury you like Pompeii with his man gravy
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