just when i thought things couldnt get worse, the batteries died in my vibrator.
This guy at the party just introduced himself to me as "the guy who sat behind you on a plane last year"
i want to find a way to basically assault his face with my vagina.
Confession: Sometimes I wear my stolen scrubs to the corner store because people will think I'm a doctor and not just a girl too lazy to change out of her pajamas.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I tried to find the bar, ended up at a car dealership. Then the alarms went off.
You what they say. One dick in the hand is better than two in the bush
Twice. I only peed my pants twice tonight.
It was bitter sweet because I woke him up with sex but then I peed in his bed with him in it
You bring me burritos. Of course I text you during sex
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He was stoned and starts screaming, "I ain't got but a dollar, I wanna hear waterfalls!". Maybe he can hang with us....
I'm hungover and eating lunch at an elementary school. The children are barking. Litrealy barking, like dogs.
I drunkenly said, "That's my future father-in-law!" And everyone made an uncomfortable / disgusted face... including the aforementioined future father-in-law. Maybe I should start dating other people.
I watched one of the videos of you hanging from the rafters, and it is both violent and sexual in nature.
This woman at the blackjack table is sitting on a pile of newspaper so she can pee at her seat and never miss a hand.
I don’t care that he’s a decade younger. He’s cute and I need a good penising
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