There are traffic cones in the living room. One of them is yours.
Ive either hit rock bottom or become my own hero.
I'm in my boyfriends bathroom and I shit so bad, there was no toilet paper but his mom's clothes were on the floor and I wiped my butt on her underwear... now it looks like she sharted
Like... Chilling at home with a movie, hang out? Or have sexual intercourse in the backseat if his car, hang out?
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He just walked in our room casually and said "big girls are hungry"
He is the Donovan McNabb of stuff up his ass. Tell me that tomorrow. Too high to remember.
to which he commented "you must really like me on top". I didn't have the heart to tell him that was the only way the room stopped spinning
Also I'm 95 percent positive we ate food naked together
At the same time. Hot men feeding me brownies. In between rounds of sex.
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She's a virgin AND a minister's daughter. We're one schoolgirl outfit from the dear penthouse trifecta
Apparently 'check out this motherfucker' is not an appropriate greeting to use in the vicinity of sitting united states senators. Who knew
Come to my pity party. It's being hosted in my basement. The theme is ambiguously sexual cuddling and wine.
All I know is I drank too much, danced too little.. yet somehow woke up on the floor in the arms of some cowboy.
He said he wanted to lick the breadcrumbs off my chest
you poured beer in your mouth so you could be a beer pong cup for her to drink out of/make out with
Did it work?
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