dude. I'm so drunk.
pete, this is bryce's mom
I can't wait to have my cock in your ass
pete, this is still bryce's mom
best part he said "i like your tattoo" as he walked into the room, stood right there looking at me, naked on top of his friend
STOP acting like a freshman, you have a drivers liscence now AND a PERSCRIPTION for birth control. Dont give all sophmores a bad name. Woman Up
Guess who won a bet and gets to name it Optimus prime if it's a boy
Nevermind. Totally worth it.
i refuse to be around anyone not wearing a sombrero...its cinco de mayo
I'm confident that their children would come out as 100% authentic rats
But break dance skills will only take you so far
The waitress asked if you wanted white or brown, and you said "Isn't it all the same color when it's toasted?". She stared at you for about 20 seconds before she decided that you weren't fucking with her.
Just considered playing a drinking game with powerade with my sister so she would get some fluids in her. I do so well with sick people.
I just threw up birthday cake.. who's birthday was it?
The international association of gay square dance clubs had a booth set up in the lobby of my hotel.
he can get married early and ruin his life but he sure as hell isn't ruining mine with a shitty bachelor party
What part of don't open in front of your kids didn't you understand? Astroglide, magnums, fuzzy handcuffs and a blindfold are going to be hard to explain as friends presents.
I didn't wake up drunk this year...I must be getting soft
Yeah I guess quad-fisting Miller Lites just isn't as effective as it used to be
I am naked, and drinking straight gin with a flat tonic chaser. I had such greater hopes for myself as a child.
yea...tonic water is fucking gross.
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