He looked like the mexican version of Steve Carrell with a unibrow.
How old was that tiny chick? she needs a lard iv.
he was CRYING into my vagina
she was seriously choking and the whole time all he kept saying was "that's what she said"
I don't even have to sign up for karaoke at duncans anymore. The karaoke ppl just sign me up themselves. Without my consent. I also sang stacys mom to some lady named Stacy who's mom died yesterday.
Somehow I feel more guilty using her razor then I do having sex with her boyfriend...
she's a gynecology student. i don't know if my dick's ready for that kind of pressure.
Bonus points if the penis has a little hat too
Def just hooked up with my brother's senior prom date in his bed. Does that make me the worst brother ever?
Looks like a took a video of myself beating off and passed out last night. I'm classy.
You what they say. One dick in the hand is better than two in the bush
I don't know if the puke on my pants is mine or not
Do you think you could cook pancakes while i blow you?
Dude, seriously, fucking stop introducing me as "Thomas, with the dick piercing." you are the worst wingman ever.
"hahahaha" is not a sufficient reply when I tell you my mother laughed at a joke about me giving blowjobs.
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