i was taking the test and had to adjust my boner and my teacher thought i was cheating or something
I might scale it back and go as an investment banker. Which is the exact same costume as James Bond on LSD. I just introduce myself differently.
I don't think the cop knew you were on ecstasy until you asked for a back rub.
his profile picture is him throwing up "#1" hands after his lax championship next to his coach that i fucked....embarrasing for him, yet ironically beautiful for me.
You Were screaming "Im trying to get it in" and "stop cock blocking" while i threw you in the car
Imagine that my comprehension level is that of a 7 year old and explain your plan again
Sudden memory flashback: drunk me outside ripping my tampon out and throwing it into the neighbors yard, silently cheering 'time for sexxxx'. I sense a dangerous pattern emerging
I'm in Starbucks carrying the boxes wine and the hubcap. So many judging looks.
I get that he's ugly and I deserve better but I will still beat up the girls he hangs out with.
God loves me. So high, craving Jimmy Johns chips, looked down, unopened bag in front of me. Still doesn't feel real
I lost a whole day of my life. Apparemtly I was using my deodrant as a phone. And is my phone there?
Fucking holidays. How do I have this many men who want to fuck me and none of them are available when I'm ready to blow my top?
I don't want to be "that guy" but I may have accidentally sent a dick pic to your mom
Have a booty call at 3am, stopped for tacos at 2:30. It's 2:55 and I still haven't ordered but can't jump the curb to get out of line because there is a cop in front of me. What am I doing with my life?
I'm a grown ass woman. Treat me like one. Fuckboy
Randomize
