I met a girl last nite that charged by the inch. i didnt have enough money but i figured shed be a good deal for u
I'm going to jail i love you
I just threw up on my dentist
jack dropped his pants and said "bet u've never seen a dick this big." which was really sad cuz i had never actually seen one that small...you have like pinch it between ur thumb and pointer finger to give a HJ
I'm dreading the fact that when the dominoes guy comes, he will ask me if i placed an order under the name "high as shit".
dude totally just got the jungle juice out of my white top. i am really ready to be a trophy wife.
he just payed for our date, after telling him I was leaving early to meet my fuck buddy. is there something lower than friendzone I can stick this guy in?
He kept saying 'your mouth is Amazing' even after I was on his dick.
I don't have any food so I made a martini so I could eat the olives. Don't tell me I can't think outside the box.
It's horrible of you to say your above all this when the bar uses your drunk picture to scare people.
We didn't need to cut her off. I'm pretty sure the lit candle she almost drank would have done it for us
No one likes a giant penis on their phone screen. I mean cmon. I'm a lady.
Come here I'm naked
And I want mozzarella sticks
I didn't think this needed to be said, but our sexts are an emoji free zone
Dude someone puked in a bowl n put it in the fridge. I thought it was salsa! Who does that?
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