that speech was about as successful as her performance in twilight
Rosebud was a fucking sled. Gay.
I have 11 glasses of water and one beer on the table infront of me. Have to keep going to different bartends to get more. There are only two though and I think they've caught on
the theme of the baby shower is Nightmare On Prego Street
We were sitting in my backseat and he just kept biting me and telling me we weren't at the zoo...
he told me not to treat him like a child and then started peeing off the trampoline
I'm in the "I'd rather have Carbs than Dick phase" part of my Life right now. YOU tell me how much Skinny Sex I'm having.
Can I get a "hallelujah" for railing my pastors daughter last night?
He tied me to the bed, fucked me and left me tied up until he proved to his room mates that he actually fucked me. But other than that, best sex ever!
My entire news feed is ice bucket challenges. I wish there was a hide from feed button like FarmVille
Do they still have sex clubs in San Francisco? Because that'd be an interesting way to spend Easter.
I finally figured out how to tighten my bra straps and I feel like a god
he drank half a bottle of bushmills, stood up to pee over the side, pissed his pants, sat in the puddle on the deck, told me my life goals were stupid and impossible, and wouldn't leave until 5am. by the time I got up at 8 I had 4 texts and 2 fb messages from him. AND HE STILL THINKS IT WENT WELL
How did your walk of shame include a trip to Walmart and how did you bump into the cop that arrested you last night there?
You're a FUCKING ASSHOLE. Love mom
Randomize
