She told me she got a 15 on her A.C.T.. that's when I knew it was a done deal.
I have the worst farts today, I'm walking by the cubicles of people I don't like and leaving them surprises. Brb.
He tried to slow-dance with me in bed. IN BED.
And then somehow we were arguing over how to fold our arms
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I've never seen a homeless man jog to get off the bus and then run to his panhandling spot because he's "late for work," but you see something new every day.
you can hold your grudge or you can accept the alcoholic treats as a peace offering. your choice
peace be with you.
I succsesfully kept my nipples in my dress all night. Even when I got in a fight. I was made for the bar.
You said you'd make me a thank you card for taking care of your drunk ass. I'll be expecting that monday.
i got kicked out of McDonald's for demanding a margarita mcflurry
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I want an apology pizza with SORRY IM A DOUCHE spelled out on it in pepperoni
Because you touch yourself at night.
...What time of day am I supposed to do it?
Grandma's bordering on serious shit show territory at this point.
Nothing says depression like laying in your bed stoned, naked, and eating a cupcake
I'm still waiting for God to smite you for impersonating a decent human being.
yea, she was legit pissed that her rasberry vodka ice cubes never actually froze. but we couldnt convince her otherwise.
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