I took shrooms, thc and molly but its okay i'm surrounded by freaks
I might be drunk enough to make out with you. You don't want to miss this unique opportunity.
Remember the girl passed out in front of my fireplace?
My relaxing drive may end up as a surprise bootycall in Pittsburgh. Don't try to stop me.
Dont get mad at me, it takes two to tango
IT TAKES ONE TO EJACULATE INTO THE OTHER WITHOUT CONSENT, AND SPOILER ALERT, ITS THE ONE WITH A SCROTUM FULL OF SEMEN.
I sent him a bunch of texts telling him that his beard wasn't long enough yet so we couldn't fuck and to text me back in a few hours if it had.
I deleted my history right in front of my girlfriend w/out her seeing. Let's go skydiving with no parachutes. I can live thru anything.
Also, I saved your name as Everclear last night. No idea why I did that.
I just used my VA prescription bottle of xanax to get a military discount at the liquor store. I win.
Only you could get away with that.
Thursday could be nutella day. You could make me a nutella sandwich and then fuck me senseless
I just wanna suck his dick on my balcony ya know
You wouldn't put pants on to see my parents.
Emergency thong? Check! Suspension bondage is a go!
I am drunk and aggressive about the olympixs
It's spelled Olympics
There's a lady rapping at me about making healthy food choices. She lives in a refrigerator. This is not okay with me
Randomize
