There are only two things that should be in vaginas... penises and vegetables
I'll trade you a raw potato for some vodka
Dude stop singing. Your life is not an episode of fucking glee
Every time I type "should" my phone autocorrects to "shouldn't". even my phone knows my ideas are terrible.
you threatened to puke on the table cause they didnt serve eggs Benedict
Idk. I woke up marinating in beer on my beanbag. Idk what you mightve done.
His beard is glorious and he smells like barbecue. Introduce me to him.
Nothing quite says Coachella like me doing high yoga in the middle of a field by myself
He had a joint rolled for us when he picked me up. It's how ASU does romance
You are the human incarnation of a drinking problem
I just learned in class that female whales slap their fins against the water and then ten males come and fight for her yet we can't get guys to text us back
She wants to have a threesome with Taylor Swift. I think this is the kind of love my grandparents spoke of.
My lease is up and I've been thinking, it's only fair that the guys I've fucked in this apartment in the past year help me move. They enjoyed the bed, now help me move it.
Drunk me left sober me a shower beer in expectation of Hurricane Harvey. Drunk me is the best.
A real best friend would support the hoe in me. Not remind me of what happened the last time I slept with a boss
Randomize
