Is there a reason "Call me when you're legal" is written on my arm? I'm 22..
my soul wont recognize me after tonight
Chris' response to jim throwing up was taking off his shirt and saying WHO WANTS A BONER
Just sold all of my pants in order to buy tonight's whiskey. Goodbye, high functioning alcoholism. Hello, Dad.
I woke up with spaghetti in my mouth
I don't remember much but I know I looked hot.
Some great men died of syphilis. I accept your compliment.
They actually said and I quote "it definitely looks like your knees went through some over usage"
She was horrified when I asked if they had any strap on chin dildos, I was at a sex shop for gods sake must I be judged everywhere
"my nose is broken but I'm beer pong champ so it evens out really"
Pretty sure my parents just hear me get off from the living room but I feel like they should be proud that I did it without a man honestly.
Last night at a party someone grabbed my ass so I just fucking punched them in the face then went home and ate a frozen pizza
Me and mom just bonded over our mutual desire to bang Mark Ruffalo. I'm not sure how to feel about this.
In case I die. I'm in ares truck with a bartender named Dave from chuys. JUST IN CASE. And let the people know my last words were suck my dick. My like literally.
I promised her before I left that I'd make good choices and then got drunk and fucked my best friend and her boyfriend.
Randomize
