If your 8 lb baby was ham it would serve 6-8 people
when i grow up i'm putting garbage disposals in all showers of my house so when you vomit in the shower its easy clean up
Somebody started a fire in the kitchen. I puked on it till it went out. The firemen high fived me.
Oh my god. I'm sorry if i peed on you last nite. I am truly disgusting
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i honestly don't know why someone didn't cut me off after i broke the ceiling lamp with MY HEAD
If he's dead I'm so gonna get the blame. I have his passport, keys and his tooth in my purse.
Trying to take a shit right now to the beat of the fuckin drumcircle outside... It's not goin well
It was like being fucked by the god of thunder, he gained power from the storm. I took a Plan B because I don't think regular birth control will stop Thor's sperm.
Using a 12 year old as a wingman. Does that make me a bad person?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
First week back and I made to one class, its gonna be okay after all.
You know what's even more awkward then buying plan b from someone who is a member at the gym you work at... When they come in after that day and have that look of recognition
Life is my bitch right now. The bouncers tried to carry me out of the club, but everyone thought I was crowd surfing so everyone carried me BACK IN. Winning as fuck.
You said you liked how I put the cream cheese on.
My card got declined when I tried to buy dippin dots at 2 am, the lady gave them to me for free because "I looked like I needed them."
I JUST WANT TO HAVE AWKWARD SEXUAL EXPERIENCES WITH HIM.
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