we have officially lost it.
I knew I shouldn't have slept with her...my dick looks like a stegosaurus tail
well he has a gf so if he picks me up tonight i'll only him finger me
all i remeber is falling off a fence and banging him in the middle of the street, not sure which one gave me this cut
he just made me do "this little piggy" to his toes.
We found her hiding in the bath tub.. And when i opened the curtain she replied "thank you" and walked out like nothing happened.
Just sucked my third dick in the past twelve hours. I must want AIDS.
I gotta bail on the cookout tonight. Im at the er getting stitches. Re-enacting porno went horribly wrong.
If you're in the liquor store 5 minutes before close, and you have to ask the cashier for a coin to flip to make a life decision because "vodka takes you to a bad place," you need to reevaluate your life.
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
At least I'm fat on the outside. You can NEVER change being fat on the inside.
At the very least, I mastered a nap while occasionally being dry humped.
HahahahahaHAHAHAHAHAHAHA MY LIFE IS A CAUTIONARY TALE
In other news, my ex fuck buddy is a surprisingly good wingman.
I’m not saying you’re wrong, I’m just saying he’s denying what you’re saying.
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