I'm going to jail i love you
can you have the cops turn on the gps locator on my phone...i just woke up in a Hooters uniform and I have no idea where I am...
So you know that marine I slept with, well his girlfriend just told me I was pretty, I almost feel bad for sleeping with him now...
Dont! You were just serving you country
How do u explain cocaine to a 9 year old?
I literally have been drunk for three days entirely by myself, the world cup may kill me
And then out of the blue she sent me a youtube video mashup of cats puking to techno music
Just busted the chick who slept with my boyfriend with alcohol. God I love being an RA.
At least your road beer policy is responsible. Well, relatively speaking.
There's a fine line between kinky and serial killer
Your face; I've seen enough of it for today. Go away now please.
If I wasn't planning on spend the rest of my life with you I wouldn't send you so many nudes, so fucking appreciate it
Ill try not let guys feel my boobs for free drinks next time, no promises tho. I am my boyfriends worst nightmare.
He's throwing Skittles into my cleavage and some are rebounding into my crouch.
Well he's scoring either way then.
I guess I’m only into threesomes at Halloween, because I just woke up next to “Marilyn Monroe” and “Joe DiMaggio” in their condo
She’s a Vegas 8, which makes her an Oklahoma 27
Randomize
