Molly wanted me to tell you, "she hasnt shit on the floor in a while" like she thinks its an accomplishment.
if every girl in minneapolis isn't pregnant when i get back to the cities i will cry
I think I just sold my virginity for plane tickets
im probably the most hungover person watchin icarly right now
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My landlord wasn't pleased about the new fire pit we built him.
This titty bar has wifi. I just did FaceTime stage side
The puppy is a lightweight. 3 beers and he's passed out on the floor already. I repeat, the puppy is a lightweight.
The swelling on my elbow and tongue means I may have cockblocked myself.
he drunk texted me to give me his number with the message "i gotchu pretty eyeso" i can't tell if he's complimenting me or himself.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Getting high magically turns headaches into rainbows.
It's like shitshowville, population: those girls.
She bent over while grinding on me on the dance floor and her thong straps were hanging out, I thought it was a good idea to grab the straps with both hands and pretend to be riding in Santa's sleigh...not my brightest moment.
I think I've had more sex in your bed than you have and I've only been here three days
I've seriously never been more thankful for marijuana and my resting bitchface.
Can you cover for me after lunch? I’ve never seen a guy who cums as much as my new Side Dick so now I need to clean the house before my husband gets home
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