I called him Han Solo during sex, he looked at me like he was mortified then I realized he came.
just found a beer in my hamper. even my laundry is a dirty alcoholic.
her face looked like how i feel after Taco Bell
my life has come down to walking through campus and wondering if every guy is the random i made out with saturday
He's having a heart to heart coversation with the keg about what he should do with his life.
I'm thinking we can stop tracking my sex life by the hotels I've hooked up in and instead use bar bathrooms I've gotten head in.
Thanks for not stopping me when I decided to call my mom at 2 in the morning to ask her where I was born
level of my singleness - just ate a whole pizza topless in bed.
My grandpa is giving me detailed instructions on how to fight a second floor bedroom fire from a ladder on the out side. Just in case
ALSO, I NEED TO BORROW A CAT. ASAP
Omg. The news was on TV while I was giving him a bj...when the weatherman said its a beautiful start to December, he groaned and said it sure is.
I need drugs. Hard drugs. Today. Not tomorrow. Today. Something relaxing.
It's like sleep walking but with blowjobs
I fell out of my bed whilst trying not to move this morning. I AM ADULT
I had ice cream for breakfast two days in a row.
SUPER ADULTS
Just slather his penis with BBQ sauce
Randomize
