then you asked me to turn your jeans into "jorts" just long enough to cover your ballsack
our drinking schedule never changed, we just drank at work.
I love family holidays its the only time when playing beer pong, and smoking hookah with my family isnt looked down upon
I smoked weed with pregnant girl. I'm going to hell.
i just had to wipe vomit off my fone to text you. yeah that hungover.
I heard that if you win you get to have sex with me. You guys really need to stop wagering my vagina.
Shark Week. Kick off begins Sunday. The drinking game has been upgraded to include jumping/breaching sharks and Jake's not allowed to bring the harpoon. Period.
There is a 15" subwoofer mounted inside our fridge. I've never been more proud of myself.
Dude made his own urinal by punching a hole in the wall and pissing in it rather than waiting in line. That is the stuff of legends.
Just had an old man tip me two dollars and say "here put this in your baby fund, you'll have a baby someday" I swear this is gods way of saying GET ON BIRTH CONTROL NOW!
Im glad the only reason we got out of bed today was to get Halloween candy on sale.
He wants to buy me a drink to apologize for sending me a pic of his dick. Welcome to my life.
The neighbor just yelled bring me back that big red alien penis.
The girl neighbor.
She walked into the kitchen, said 'we've come to this time of the party,' reached into the bowl of cold spaghetti and shoved a handful in her mouth.
You took nana to a bar?!
she suggested it
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