I might be drunk enough to make out with you. You don't want to miss this unique opportunity.
my dad just encouraged me to do a kegstand
pretty sure I just motor boated my professor at the drag show
So Ive been fucking her for the past couple months and i just found our that my grandfather and her grandmother were fuck buddies for a while. I feel like this is a new awesome family tradition that skips a generation.
Maybe I need a light up heart over my vagina like Christina aguilera to get the point across
gave you a haircut while you slept. Please don't kill me.
we kept pushing you at the prospective students saying go for it, itll make them want to come here
you kept yelling THIS ONES FOR THE ADMISSIONS OFFICE and then youd go in for the kill
No, she isn't nearly as crazy as the girl who wanted to wear a vial of my semen as a necklace.
I just really hate taking care of things... If I can't fill it with liquor I'm not sure what to do with it.
We were all day drunk by 2pm. Now I know why they hate Americans
No more house parties. We're almost fucking 30 years old and I slept until 6 pm.
I don't think I've ever had this many people offer me blow before. 3 o'clock on a Thursday. I keep good company.
Wow. Ok who would waste Game 7 ticket on kids?!
Poor parenting at its best
Burnt food and a broken vibrator. Disappointment after disappointment. Is April a man?
ill drive you to the airport today if we can have sex first
i left yesterday
ill pick you up from the airport on sunday if we can have sex after
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