i think you know its gunna be a bad day when it starts with throwing up into a red plastic cup
May have caused an international incident. More details after we taxi in.
Thanks for last night. Sorry if i was obnoxious. I respect your morals and i wouldn't want you to lose your virginity to a drunk girl in your mom's prius.
He won't stop licking me..... im choosing your date next time.
make sure nobody uses the downstairs toilet. i like to have an unused toilet for the weekends. dont shit where you puke i always say.
I love your family. Oh. And on a completely unrelated note, I know where we can steal a dog.
Pretty sure I just convinced a drunk guy at the train station that I was from the future
And I just had to awkwardly tell 3 police officers that I was having sex and not in any trouble
He used the expression "my couch is your couch" as a come on line.
quick, give me some iron man trivia, i'm going to make this girl regret quoting tony stark in her tinder bio
My diet has been 80% Fun Dip this week, soooo, no. Not good.
I don't think I bit anyone but I woke up to scrapes knees, bruises and new friends.
We are gonna have a bake sale and the preceded will go towards the abortion
No reason. My tongue went numb after one shot. I may die tonight
All I remember is your girlfriend laying on the bathroom floor and me crawling in and asking if it was okay to puke.
Randomize
