I wasn't pimping you out... I was helping you network!
My friend's 9-year-old son just informed me that for a cop station, you can't use a shotgun; you have to use a machine gun. Thank you, Grand Theft Auto, for single-handedly corrupting our youth.
She helped me organize my comics and then blew me. This is the one.
Don't be a smartass. I'm trying to fuck a guy who's sober. It's more difficult than you think.
Got a traffic ticket on the way home.. Literally cost me $171 to give him a blowjob. I swear the officer could smell the cum in my hair.
Boise Idaho, where you have a one night stand with someone from your town 3 states away and run into them the day you return...
I literally have nothing else left to cut besides my drug budget; the dark days are among us
So much Jack, so little girl.
I feel sorry for the person who's phone number is 704-1776 cause from now on I'm giving that number to every guy I never wanna talk to again. Happy Independence Day
How am I supposed to buy weed and pancake mix when it's raining?
You know the force is loosing strength when Darth Vader can't handle his liquor on halloween.
You told everyone to shut up then told the officer that you are 21 when you drink.
Btw I definitely had pizza sauce on my face, a painful hickey on my neck, and I just remember screaming SISTER WIVES because of the girl's 1997 jean skirt! Wow.
Bro, that'd be the third dick I've taken down in the office.
Just remembered someone sprayed perfume in my mouth last night after convincing me it was vodka and that i tried to herd ducks around campus and bring one home.
Randomize
