Just woke up naked in my storage cubby and some one rearragned my whole room?
no jk, not my room
she claims you yelled BOMBS AWAY when you came. tell me she's lying
but she didn't tell you i squeezed, built up pressure, and napalmed her face as i yelled it, did she
First rule of pills: If you can't remember what it is, take half.
she's on the floor slapping my dogs face with slices of pizza
my goal is to masturbate without thinking about my exbf.
Due to our sore throats we are now doing bong hits with cranberry juice to sooth it.
Sitting in the library studying = googling how to get laid in the library.
Sweet. I'm actually coaching my work study into a 4-girl orgy so dinner was kinda important. Yes, I'm the best boss ever.
I shame-fucked to Hotel California, don't tell me about priorities.
I'm wearing fairy wings and I broke my wizard staff. If this isn't the most happy but sad moment of my life , I don't know what is.
u kept repeating to itself "hot cheetos and nacho cheese sauce.."
I was really proud of me too last night! Found a discarded hamburger that I have no memory of at the foot of the bed. Instead of a Dude. I'm really growing as a person
I think one make out session at a bar per year is probably the best choice.
Can I borrow your pants?
WTH?
Just come to the men’s room and help me. The blonde bartender figured out I’m married. Rachel will definitely notice if come home pantsless
Best single mom victory - getting eaten out in my dodge caravan in the hospital parkade at midnight.Three words: screaming multiple orgasms.
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