Can't remember why I called but it definitely had something to do with Lou Bega
So i know you wont get this until you land, but if i'm late its cause i was having sex. being blunt and hope that explains things.
Maybe you shouldn't go to cosmic bowling, i don't know if cum glows and I don't wanna find out i'm sure his parents don't either.
LOVE ME LIKE A KANGARO LOVES A POUCH YOU DUMB CUNT
Dude i don't know we had to beg the bouncer to let us in because you were bleeding everywhere and he saw you run into a dumpster
I've discovered the best way to avoid rehab is to not fuck fat chicks when your drunk, therefore delaying regrets and rock bottom
your the Dr. Phil in my life
Today is an unchanging day
Can't we have real sex instead of you just thrusting the air near me?
And now I'm drinking leftover wine in the grad lounge because fuck my life
When you get a chance, you should call Nick. He REEAAAALLLLLY wants to hear you make chewbacca noises.
There is pretty much a target on everyone's lips when I am drunk. EVERYONE
My concierge just asked me to his place for dinner while I was signing for a delivery. The delivery was a box of vibrators. Let's discuss.
I feel like I was playing penis roulette last night nd I landed on the wrong one.
I'm sorry I keep having sex wth your friends. I'm done, for real. Unless cole is interested. Other than that, I'm done.
I guess you know it was a good night when you find your ripped underwear in your pocket, and a nerf bullet falls out of your pant leg 😂😂
Well, I was giving him a handy and I sighed in boredom. He heard. I had to fake moaning sounds after he asked if I sighed.
Randomize
