Went to the career fair today..I handed out many resumes to find out later that they say I have a bachelor o farts degree...Top that.
I just watched 2 blind guys walk into each other head on in providence. It pays to pregame in your car.
i don't think my life will be extraordinarily more meaningful if i let him put his tongue in my butthole.
Just had sex in the basement of the library... I knew I was paying $120,000 for something more than a law degree
You know you had a bad blackout when you forget you held the stanley cup.
Had a speaker in class today. She asked whats the first question when you see someone pregnant. I said whos the father? She was looking for "is it a boy or a girl?"
After they flagged you, you hid in a bathroom stall and text me to bring you more shots. That kind of drunk.
Just realized Ive never seen my f buddy in the daylight. What if he looks different?
Because I'm currently dying, lacking waffles, and vaguely convinced I'm an eagle
Are you sexting with minion stickers right now?
Hey. It's Michael. The guy that had his tongue in your mouth last night. Just wanted to check in with you.
stop texting me about your public sex.
says she who narrated getting eaten out in a movie theatre over text to me
No instead we fucked in the elevator.. it was wrong on so many levels..
How tall was the building? Maybe it was only wrong on some of them
Who else has a jello penis in their fridge?!
for future reference, singing eye of the tiger outside my door while i am having sex makes me incredibly uncomfortable
apparently not uncomfortable enough for you to stop
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