Don't be mad at me. I know peeing in your drawer is 1 thing and peeing on you while you're sleeping is another, but im sorry..i love you
when she was cumming she looked like terri schiavo. it took all of my memorized porn images to not go limp.
a woman just threw her tv out the window while screaming "will you fucking work now?". i'm never moving
I woke up and peed for 26 seconds this morning. 26 seconds!
I'm afraid my bank account can't handle syllabus week.
As weird as that was it was probably the best advice i've ever gotten from a tranny
He gets you donuts, dinner, and booze consistently, who cares if he's cheating
I'll wind up on his doorstep with a confused "oh you live here" expression, a feigned ankle injury and a seemingly fortunately placed bottle of tequila. I don't care what it takes: HIS MOUTH WILL BE ON MOUTH.
They can't keep moving my court date back, i dont know if I'll survive another one of these going away to jail parties.
I'm sending lingerie pics that I took yesterday. I fully prepared for this holiday
Yeah, I mean I'll probably fuck him regardless but I'm trying to be a lady about it.
Tomorrow is my favorite texting day of the year... It's where I send every guy I've had sex with this past year a text saying "happy not a Father's Day" and we laugh and I get so much dick it's wonderful.
My relationship: I'm wearing batman panties and a tiara right now trying to get laid and he's doing dishes.
I'm sitting here listening to fat joe and doing kegels I have given up
I wonder how drunk we can get before Christmas Caroling turns into trespassing.
Randomize
