if your leaving for the weekend then im farting on your pillow
how soon is too soon to introduce handcuffs into a relationship?
but the good news is i woke up with 15 dollars in my pocket so i probably sold my phone instead of puking on it
I know it's not your turn to do the dishes, but since they're covered in your puke, it is.
The two guys from next door helped him do a backflip. The ended up throwing him halfway through a ceiling tile. Don't worry, we fixed it with duct tape.
I'm laying in bed with a case of beer,.. That's how this break up is going..
We're in the kiddy pool eating marshmellows and drinking wine out of a box. Please dress casual.
bartering with my concussed boyfriend to eat food with blowjobs
i feel like i am made of mashed potatoes. i love cannabis pills so. fucking. much.
He tried to do the do on me last night and my exact words were "stay away from my princess parts. they're renovating."
It's nice out. . But after I almost put a bag of chips in the microwave to make nachos. ..I figured it best to not venture too far from the couch
I'd let you fuck my husband in the future, that's how much I love you
You know you have hit the best years of your life when you enlist the 5 year old to be ball boy during beer pong and pay him with candy you stole from Walgreens
Only a true best friend would remind you to make sure your cucumber dildo is organic
Why are there naked heterosexuals in my apartment?
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