I saw a sign that said worlds largest frying pan next exit. Way to do your fucking part Iowa.
I think I might be in your shoes. Except they are actually my shoes. Either way these shoes are wasted.
I checked into jail on foursquare
I think I just got a contact from my own exhale. Def dying.
I have pink band-aids all over my body, WHAT HAPPENED?
Keg backpack and a Bike
I still don't know why you took that job... it sounds miserable
not having any beer money sounds even more miserable
I am nonfunctional stoned. I had to ask ben to put me somewhere away from all the people I'm sitting on someones bed watching a wall. Not alright. Should not have come.
Last time I heard from you, you were double fisting strawberry milk and wine. Answer this text so I know you're still alive. Bonus points for a coherent answer.
Tough to be a good wingman when you puke on yourself and everyone w/in a 5 ft radius at the FIRST bar we go to so don't tell me to step my game up
Those two lesbians inspired me. A whole new way to roll. Fuck shots. Gallons of vodka is the new tequila.
Well, if he didn't want to get caught mid-gay experience by his girlfriend, he shouldn't have pushed so hard to do MDMA with me.
THIS TIME TOMORROW MY VAG IS GONNA BE BRAND SPANKING NEW.
He bought a sex swing! He's building the playground of my dreams!!!!
I let a blind guy feel me up. All he kept saying was "oh fuck yeah!"
There's a Taco Bell quesadilla in my shower caddy right now.
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