She told me she only masterbates to Kenny Rogers songs.
OMG. What did u say?
I told her I did too.
I should have bought two bottles, she left before I could feel her tits...
Girls gone wild is like the hills, except sexy and it doesnt suck
I asked my mother if she peed on that chair, she said "not bad" There is no good level of pee on a chair.
I bet him anal if they won...the one time Detroit decides to win, it had to be this week
Well no need to be a stranger, even if you aren't interested in joining my bisexual polygamist marriage. New city, new friends.
Well I pulled a muscle in my leg dancing in the tanning booth drunk at 1 pm soooo there's that
I'll have my hookups make my March Madness picks. Win my bracket, win my heart. That's how it works right?
You shouldn't do laundry high cus pink.
You know its going to be a good day when you have to brush your teeth out of a cup in your room using the vodka and water mixture in your fridge because you're locked out of your restroom
Did I really make him pull over to give the homeless guy my bra?
I know of an excellent nanny. A lot like Mary Poppins but way cooler. And likes pot.
Why would you call when you knew I'd be having sex!?
Why would you answer?
It's a charity event and she's wearing a cocktail dress drinking a 40... I found my future wife
I'm covered in bruises and scratches. I dont know whether to call them battlescars or sex decals
Randomize
