You were in the bathroom for two hours practicing "Revenge Faces".
thats the mark of a good guy. when you can period all over his leg and he still thinks you're beautiful!
The handjob she gave me was better than the best blowjob I've ever gotten.. Just imagine the possibilities.
If it wasn't obvious enough to the cops that she was drunk, she threw in, "I like the colors of the lights because it makes purple."
Well let's just say that she ended up trying to get it in with the wheelchair guy, who btw, can get an erection and quickly I might add
He's coming back with me for the week. It took me saying "I don't wanna drive myself home... I'm better as a passenger giving road head" for him to jump at it. Rack another one up for my magical openings.
Dude that's beautiful. I've never heard of someone smoking with their bunny.
I feel like I have a connection with him. A marijuana-induced-spiritual connection.
i have my bailey's and coffee which lasts me until lunch, at which time its appropriate for me to bring a vodka and OJ mix for the afternoon. This university thing is grrreat
We call her skankles because she's a skank and she has cankles, I thought that was obvious
I fucked him while wearing his hat. I love the navy
Chasing my kid around a 30' jungle gym was not how I envisioned spending the day off work to recover from a vasectomy.
The guy whose porn password I use finally renewed his membership. Lazy fucker had been slacking all summer.
it was a hallmark card with butt plugs.
I'm hungover and eating lunch at an elementary school. The children are barking. Litrealy barking, like dogs.
Just saw you run by my class yelling "fuck you!". Good luck and stay human!
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