Princeton has an emergency contraception worldwide website. It is in moments like these that I love my university
I just farted in the dogs face to show him who's boss
woke up in nothing but a glued-on tiger tail. they used super glue.
MCAT status: Day 64, no longer can remember what sex is like.
Oddly enough when I decided to stop whoreing myself out... I lost most of my companionship.
Ja rule starts his prison sentence today #3475th reason we should drink tonight
You are. Embrace it. But you are the right kind of asshole.
Every bar we ever go to has a woman there who hates him. Getting so much vagina has never seemed so not glorious
He woke me up at 5am to recite nursery rhymes to our fictitious unborn child.
You should have seen the pharmacists face when I paid for my inhaler refill and a box of condoms.
hey now, it was 6 bucks for 5 shots. you would have lost your panties too.
So for St Paddys day I colored my junk green and got a little hat for him....wanna see it before I sober up....
I wish I could open myself up and check on my liver. Make sure it's hanging on. Ya know?
The school better be open next year. I’ve been FB stalking Dads of my incoming students and there’s serious DILFage in this class! Maybe 2020 will turn around!
It’s 2020. You’ll probably get knocked up. If you’re really lucky you’ll just get the clap
So... my daughter's new girlfriend Is the daughter of the girl I dated on and off in college Who ran away because she got pregnant at my house party. My Legitimate daughter Is probably fucking my Illegitimate daughter...
Randomize
