Like some sort of pot growing robin hood.
Hey, this is a mass text. I have a hospital bill from November, and I don't know from what. Did anyone bring me to the hospital on a drunken night that I don't remember...?
That super awesome moment when the guy who threw up in your bed last night crawls into your roommate's bed the next morning...Naked...She was in it.
Maybe is for pussies. We only say yes in this household
idk the fact that her roommate had a sign that said "enter without knock, exit without cock" makes me really NOT want to go steal her pot.
In that case, if you come anywhere near my house you can expect to be chased down various streets by a half naked me wielding a baseball bat. No, I am not giving you my address.
Why so serious bruh
I need to stop getting drunk and telling people it isn't "about them."
Walk of shaming into my apartment. No one to clap me in. Come home!
It's amazing how hard it it while drunk to not comment "fuck you" on dumb peoples' statuses
I tried to have a quickie with him at the company happy hour. I think I need to quit my job.
How hard do you think it would be to make a drinking game out of a Slip-N-Slide? Asking for a friend.
I am 95% sure I just heard my cat say "What are you doing home? It's Saturday night."
Said he wanted to wear me as a loincloth. Not sure if sexual or predatory
The Olympian is in my bed
I want you
Nvm, now I want someone who replies to my booty-call texts faster
Randomize
