I fink we're distracting them from bumping the proverbial uglies
I think I speak chipmunk. Odd.
Are you high?
No. That's why it's odd
and parents always said I was only motivated by money. Pfft they forgot vodka.
Yeah, that's not really a good thing. Especially for a girl. You should get a tattoo on your stomach that says "Please wear a condom".
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In debating whether or not it's worth getting out of bed and walking 5 feet down the hallway to go to the bathroom before I puke
oh, i've got big weekend plans. on an unrelated note, do you think viagra will work if the guy is roofied?
It's like if you got one of your titties chopped off...think of how much one would miss the other...that's how I feel when we're apart. A tit with no twin.
It's legal now for me to leave my boyfriend and marry you.
Just to prove a point, she called and ordered a pizza 10 min before she ordered the blow and it still got here first. I may never leave LA.
I told you!!! And that is why he's the drug dealer to the stars.
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Finishing last nights 1.5L of wine and beef jerky for breakfast. Work looms, ever the prickly bitch.
The bottle of Jameson may have been a bit aggressive for a Sunday cookout.
I had an epiphany. If a dude dressed up as Batman to ask me out, I'd prolly marry him.
man fuck you i am a delight. you're the one who fucking set his tree on fire while high
He said he loved me more than Kel loves orange soda
the result of growing up in the '90's
He's literally cuddling with the washer and dryer.
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